Mock Garlic Mashed Potatoes

I don't like cauliflower unless you do a whole lot to fix it. Even dipping it in something as tantalizing as curry dip or blue cheese dressing in a raw state doesn't float my boat. And merely cooked, without the aid of other ingredients, I'm pretty much cauliflower-averse. It's a gross looking vegetable, isn't it? I can't look at a head of cauliflower that I'm not thinking about that scene in the movie Elephant Man where the physician, played by Anthony Hopkins, describes the main character as having "cauliflower-like growths." Yech!

All that said, I found a recipe for low carb, healthful mock mashed potatoes that uses this lowly cruciferous vegetable and elevates it to the sublime.

This recipe was originally from Chef George Stella, who used to have a Saturday morning cooking show on the Food Network called Low Carb and Lovin' It. George wasn't the most charismatic on-air personality, but he was genuine, not some phony made-up personality, and he was passionate about a low carb approach to cooking, having lost well over 250 pounds by going on a carb restricted diet. I got a lot of great tips and ideas from his show.

Unfortunately, George became another of Food Network's exiled chefs so this useless network could make room for the endless barrage of cooking game show competitions and restaurant critic shows that grace their miserable programming, most of them seemingly starring Guy Fieri who, because of his cosmological choices, single-handedly has increased the commodity price of hydrogen peroxide.

At any rate, I added cream to the recipe that George originally came up with, and I use more cheese and garlic. If I am paring this with a heavily seasoned dish, like my Asian Pot Roast with Napa Slaw, I leave out the garlic entirely. 

Ingredients:
1 medium head cauliflower
3 tsp cream cheese
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese (like, Kraft in the green can - don't use fresh grated)
1 tsp minced garlic
1/8 tsp granulated chicken bullion
3 tsp butter
1/8 tsp cracked black pepper
2-4 tbsp heavy cream 

The Recipe:
Cut the cauliflower into it smaller florets with all pieces being roughly the same size so they will cook at the same rate. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil and cook the cauliflower for about six minutes until fork tender.

While the cauliflower is cooking, put all the ingredients except the heavy cream in a food processor.

Drain the cauliflower well and allow to steam dry for 1-2 minutes. Use paper towels to further remove any moisture. Don't allow the cauliflower to cool too much; just enough to steam off some moisture.

Put the cauliflower into the food processor and put the lid on. Allow the cauliflower to sit 1-2 minutes and melt the cream cheese and butter a bit. Then, take the food processor for a spin. Slowly pour in the heavy cream until you get your "mashed potatoes" to a smooth, creamy consistency. Don't use too much cream, however, or the mixture will become soupy. You want the mixture to stand up well so that when it's on your plate, you can make a well that will hold your gravy. If you find you've added too much cream, add more Parmesan and cream cheese.